I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
