Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
