On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
