theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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