I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
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