Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
