Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
