It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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