All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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