God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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