Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
