hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
