3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
