evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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