i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
