so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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