I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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