I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
