paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
