So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
