I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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