there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
