Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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