If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
