i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
