She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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