It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
