I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
