The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
