GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
