Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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