I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
