Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
