you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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