i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
