never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
