I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
