my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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