And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
