the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
