That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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