she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
