At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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