I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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