nut hugger
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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