i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
