i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
