No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
