are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When are your genitals available?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
