apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
